The loss of a friend brings back bittersweet memories of my parents

Both of my parents, Ruth and Jim Page Sr., have passed from this life to the next. They were tremendous people who loved each other and their children profoundly. They had many gifts, separately and together. I’ve never met two people whose gifts, talents, and interests were so well matched.

Ray Burow’s parents, Ruth and Jim Page Sr., enjoyed entertaining friends at their West Virginia home. (Photo by Richard Allen Farmer)

One of their shared gifts, and the one I long to emulate, is how they embraced friends and even strangers. They placed people at ease, making them feel comfortable and comforted.

I always miss my parents, but perhaps more so over the past few weeks. A dear mutual friend recently passed away unexpectedly, and in the wake of his loss, I was reunited with several people whom my parents loved.

Richard Allen Farmer was a remarkable individual who loved my parents. A few years before my father’s retirement, his job relocated my parents to Pittsburgh, where Richard was a young pastor. My parents became members of his church. They loved him and his wife, Rosemary, who along with their son is left to mourn his passing.

However, the Farmers don’t mourn alone. It’s not an exaggeration to declare that hundreds feel the weight of Richard’s departure.

Recommended Reading

December 12, 2022 Columns by Ray Burow

My Friend’s Advice on Preparing for and Coping With Loss

Heavy loss

Richard knew my parents when they were strong, and before my mother was stricken with Alzheimer’s disease. She could engage and entertain, and she and Dad often enjoyed Richard’s company and sermons. Reuniting at the memorial service with Rosemary and other friends who knew my parents was bittersweet.

I can’t accurately describe how gifted Richard was. He was a pilot and an accomplished pianist who both read music and could play by ear. He could sing and was an incredible Bible expositor engaged to speak worldwide. Yet, he was down-to-earth and never forgot his Harlem, New York, roots. He shone brightly, was brilliant, and had an unparalleled sense of humor. He was hilarious and fun to be around.

A faithful friend

Richard Allen Farmer was a friend of Ray’s mother before and during her Alzheimer’s years. (Courtesy of Rosemary Simmons-Farmer)

My mother outlived my father by several years, and Richard continued to love my mother well while she was living with Alzheimer’s. He called on her birthday and even made a trip from his home in Dallas to visit her in Florida. She remembered him, though many specific memories of Richard and his lovely wife weren’t readily at her fingertips. Alzheimer’s dissolved them, but she had an understanding of who he was to her and my dad. She remembered the love, and so do we.

I wish every caregiver and their loved one had a Richard, someone with a knack for reminding an elderly person with dementia that they are as crucial in their weakened state as they were when they were young, strong, and mentally agile. And it wasn’t merely for my mother that Richard did such things. His acts of kindness were multiplied many times over.

Each year, without fail, Richard called my siblings and me on my parents’ birthdays and the anniversaries of their passings. Past their earthly existence, he continued to show love and respect toward them.

My faith, theirs, and Richard’s is the same. We’re Christ-followers and believe a better home awaits beyond the blue. With that in mind, I find myself imagining their reunion. My mother’s free of dementia, and clarity in heaven is better than clarity on earth. My friend Richard was a hugger, so I can only imagine the embrace that ensued and how my mother’s face lit up when Richard walked through the gates. Were my parents hanging over the banister looking for him? I don’t know, but I do know that eternity is closer than we think.

Heaven’s become even more real to me, with people I love living there. Richard Allen Farmer, I will meet you in the morning.

Note: Alzheimer’s News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Alzheimer’s News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Alzheimer’s disease.