We must avoid wallowing in self-pity after an Alzheimer’s diagnosis

Someone facing an Alzheimer’s diagnosis may experience a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, and disbelief. It’s hard to tell which is more crippling: the diagnosis itself or the emotional toll it takes on the patient and their family. It can be easy to fall into self-pity.

When my mother was diagnosed, I remember thinking, “Why our mom?” Why did such an outstanding, selfless, and kind individual have to face dementia? Why her, and why our family? I suppose these are questions that plague every family affected by Alzheimer’s, and that fact provided the answer to my question. I eventually concluded, “Why not my mom? Why not our family?

An estimated 7 million people in the United States live with Alzheimer’s disease, the most common form of dementia. No one deserves to face this condition, and in that sense, my family wasn’t more special than any other.

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A little wallowing is normal

Self-pity isn’t an option for a person diagnosed with dementia or their family. Well, technically it is, but dwelling on our own sorrows isn’t a good option. These feelings are understandable; after all, who wouldn’t dwell on the misfortune of an Alzheimer’s diagnosis? Wallowing is natural for a period, but it’s not advisable to let self-pity take root.

Indulging in self-pity involves accepting doom and leaning into despair. It seals us in place, prohibiting us from living our best life as either a patient or a caregiver.

Please don’t allow this wallowing to stop you in your tracks. After you or a loved one have been diagnosed, following the doctor’s instructions is essential. Don’t give up! Seek help, find resources, and begin making decisions that will benefit you in the future. This is especially important early in the diagnosis, when treatments may be able to help slow disease progression.

Choose to fight

I was very sad when my mother was diagnosed with early-onset dementia, and she was in disbelief. It took some convincing from her family to work toward acceptance and follow through on next steps.

She was enrolled in a clinical trial and regularly visited a memory clinic attached to a local hospital. She was prescribed medications proven to slow progression and continued to follow her exercise regimen. The goal wasn’t to cure her dementia, because there is no cure. However, seeing how little the disease had progressed between each visit was encouraging.

Eventually, Alzheimer’s took its toll, and my mother passed away — but it was a decade post-diagnosis. The disease wasn’t easy for her or our family, but our experience was undoubtedly better than it could have been. We chose to engage in the fight rather than reside in self-pity, which never really stopped being a foe. We’d have to beat it down and continue to fight — because fighting a battle, even a losing one, is better than wallowing in self-pity.

Note: Alzheimer’s News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Alzheimer’s News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Alzheimer’s disease.